the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it fun? or sober?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
