barbara walters just said penis...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
