End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And then he peed in my hair
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