thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
