So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
