If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
