Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
