Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
