I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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