if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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