My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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