Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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