My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
