She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
