Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
