real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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