she woke up with a sticky ear
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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