I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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