we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
