i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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