remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
