got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My ass is underappreciated
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
