Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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