he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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