Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
