Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
