I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
