my phone needs a breathalizer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
