fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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