What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
