Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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