So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
