Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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