hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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