i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
