She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
