We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
