I molested 6 butterflies tonight
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
