you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
