Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
