can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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