It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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