Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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