If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
