I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
