i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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