Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drunk is not a location!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
