Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bring money and cleavage
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
