we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
