how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
