We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
