Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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