There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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